cuddles…
new found friends…
clean babies…
time in the desert with my sister and kiddos…
great grandpas…
curious one year olds…
silly moments…
quiet, independent play…
fascination…
patience…
music…
learning…
cheerful babies…
fresh air…
laughter…
gratitude…
super uncles…
teeth…
seasons…
my family.
What are you thankful for? Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours…
i keep having those moments. the kind of moment where something familiar – a smell or a sound or a photo or a word – transports you back to a time in the past. sometimes it feels like every raindrop, shadow, sunset, or leaf falling to the ground triggers something deep inside. like i have 122 anniversaries to celebrate. one for each day cedar was in the nicu. i keep finding myself thinking “this time, last year”. i wonder when this reminiscing will subside. something as traumatic and amazing as cedar’s early arrival is bound to etch itself deeply into one’s psyche.
this time last year…cedar was recovering from her final surgery at children’s hospital…this time last year we were anxiously awaiting our return to everett where cedar would spend the last of her nicu days learning how to suck swallow and breathe. thankgiving came and went and still we had no idea how much longer it would be before we could bring our baby home. we had a generally healthy preemie who still had a few things to cross of her to do list before we could be discharged. this time last year cedar was still setting off the alarms and scaring us every now and then…we still didn’t know why she was having such a hard time coordinating her swallowing and breathing. i’m pretty sure this time last year – time stood still.
here are a few side by side comparisons – photos from this time last year…and now…
most days we are too busy chasing around a speedy crawling one year old to really reflect upon just how far she has come…then the other day i came across this video – made by a couple who had a preemie born weighing just 1.5 pounds. watching this brought up so many vivid memories…and so many tears. we are so incredibly lucky. if we would have made a video of our experience in the nicu, it would have looked so much like this one…maybe a little less graceful…
it doesn’t seem significant, but somehow cedar’s original due date sits as easily on the tongue as her birthday. perhaps this is because when she was born in august, november 10th was the date we wanted to get to…most micropreemies are released from the nicu around their due date. when we take cedar to the doctor she is compared to other babies her gestational age – meaning other babies born when she should have been born. november 10th has always creeped into conversation when people ask how old she is…when the short answer doesn’t suffice, the script goes something like this: “well, she was born on august 14th but she wasn’t supposed to arrive until november 10th – so she’s small and a bit delayed in some areas, but for her “corrected age”, she is doing just fine…”
now that november 10th has come and gone it is a bit of a relief…at least for the time being, when people ask how old cedar is, we can officially just say “one year”. cedar is doing all the things an average one year old is doing – babbling – laughing – crawling – pulling up on things – even starting to throw some tantrums when she doesn’t get what she wants..she weighs 19 pounds, has 8 teeth and is a total blast to be around.
cedar wakes up so happy every day. her smiling face just beams with joy and she often lets out a sigh upon making eye contact with us first thing each morning. heather and i say it must be because she is just so happy to be alive. cedar is just incredible. she is my own personal hero. she has been through so much and despite the pain and suffering she has endured, she just exudes so much gratitude for this life and every new little discovery she makes…including gold.
cedar discovers gold with her great grandpa jack in arizona!
Our Little Cedar Sapling 