Dear Ellen,
For over a decade now, I’ve worn a ring that has the words “Think Bigger” stamped onto it. I had no idea when I purchased it long ago, how much it would inspire me and how that sentiment alone would propel my wife and I through the scariest of times. So, let me give you a little backstory – then let you know how much bigger i’m thinking now. With your help, perhaps our story can help others.
During the summer of 2012, my wife and I were deep into making final preparations for our wedding when our daughter Cedar Francis decided to arrive at just 27 weeks gestation.
My “Think Bigger” ring on Cedar’s hand at 1 week old.
On August 14th, 2012 our wedding was cancelled and we were catapulted into a new reality of watching our two pound baby learn how to live outside the womb much too soon. We spent 4 months in the NICU with her – my wife commuting back and forth between a new teaching job and taking care of our teenager back in Bellingham – and me living virtually alone in another city, many miles away. Cedar nearly died on us – more than once. It was the ultimate test of faith and surrender. It was damn scary to say the least. Yet, from the day Cedar was born – we had this deep knowing that she was doing the job she was meant to do. She was an inspiration to nurses and doctors and people all over the world who were following our blog. She may have cancelled our wedding – but her early arrival brought everyone’s focus into the present moment – she magnified life’s miracle – the power of love – and taught us how to think bigger. Cedar continuously reminded us that when all signs appear to be pointing in one direction – there are infinite possibilities.
Our little sapling will be 5 years old next week. It feels monumental. Life is precious and every day is a miracle. Despite a grade 3 brain hemorrhage, heart issues, a bowel perforation and 3 major surgeries, Cedar is now 100% healthy and happy. Every tantrum she throws, every sassy disregard to our requests, every bump, bruise and tear – all of it is such a gift. We know how lucky we are.
Cedar Francis Day 1. Now.
Since leaving the NICU, I’ve felt a calling. Not every baby and family in the NICU is as supported by community as we were – and even with the best support, it is an incredibly lonely experience. There are also many NICUs around the country that don’t have as much space or equipment – let alone amenities like sleep rooms for families or care packages upon arrival – as we did at Everett Providence and Seattle Children’s Hospital. So, I’m thinking big now…and I’ve got some ideas. I’m also wondering if YOU might have a few more.
I am a singer/songwriter and it took me years to write a song for Cedar. The most intense feelings are often the hardest to write about. With enough time and space, my song “Not a Day Too Soon” finally took the form it needed. More than ever, our world needs songs of hope and connection. And this song speaks to that connection that we all share. How we all arrive to wherever we need to be in our own perfect time. How we need to have faith in humanity. More than ever, this song feeIs like it needs to be shared with the masses….especially families experiencing life in the NICU.
I knew when I wrote the song that I wanted to create a children’s book with the lyrics to the song, illustrations and a digital download of the song for readers. I have met with a lovely local artist, Karen Blanquart – who is also inspired by this project and willing to do the illustrations for the book.
“Not Today, Deer Heart” – Original art by Karen Blanquart.
Karen and I are super inspired to bring this project to fruition. But we NEED help! We want this book + song to be available for purchase with all proceeds going to a foundation that supports families/premature babies in the NICU… I am not sure how to go about creating a foundation – or how to set up a partnership with an existing one. I would love to see more resources available for families experiencing hospital life with their little one(s). We would love to see copies of the book to be available for free for families in NICUs around the nation – perhaps included in a care package with other helpful items. Obviously, we need funds to make all of this happen – for publishing, marketing + distributing. Between self-employment, family life, music and parenting a teen and an almost 5 year old, there’s just not a lot of time to make this happen – that’s why I’m hoping for some Ellen magic.
Its funny because since I began playing music as an out lesbian singer+songwriter, my friends have been harassing me to try to get my songs to Ellen. Now, here I am as a 37 year old mama – finally doing it – but with no other purpose in mind other than to spread some love and hope. Cedar’s story is an incredible one and I know it has some more places to go.
Can you help me? Can you help make this book happen?
Thank you so much for considering helping us get “Not a Day Too Soon” off the ground.
Sincerely,
Amber Darland
Our Little Cedar Sapling 
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