Our Little Cedar Sapling

as we turn what we hope is the final corner in this epic hospital adventure, we are so very grateful. not a day goes by that we don’t feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for cedar’s health and all the doctors and nurses who have helped her along the way. our hearts are full of appreciation for all the friends that have shown up to bring us a meal, take our dogs out or send us encouragement and support. heather and i would not be as sane as we are today if it weren’t for our community. so thank you. thank you family and long time friends. thank you new friends who now feel like family.

we are in the final push to make it home – hoping to be home by christmas with our little sapling. there are many things to accomplish before that happens. a few more milestones to reach. preparations to be made. baby items to be purchased. with the holidays upon us, heather and i are finding ourselves more and more strained emotionally and financially. all the back and forth driving to and from seattle/bellingham/everett. the expenses that come with living away from home – on one income – eating out – driving two cars up and down the I5 corridor…it has all been a bit overwhelming. as many of you have continued to ask what we need, we thought we’d put out one last call for support here on the homestretch.

if you have the means, we are taking donations through paypal to help us with the extra costs of having a baby in a nicu away from home. you can send a donation to joyfulgrl13@yahoo.com

or if you are interested in specific things to pass along – some folks have asked about cedar’s baby registry. also, gas cards are really helpful. starbucks cards have kept us sane. alternative therapies are good for our bodies. if you would like our mailing address in order to pass something along, please e mail us at: darsmithland@yahoo.com

thank you so much for continuing to stay updated with cedar’s progress. more than anything the love and prayers we are receiving from near and far are carrying us through this challenging time.

lots of love to you all,  amber, heather, hazel and the little cedar sapling

If you’ve been following our blog for a while, you know that my partner and I have been doing this NICU thing together. We’ve been navigating these waters with as much grace, love and patience we can muster.  It has been 10 weeks so far and even while living in two different cities while our baby cedar heals and grows – we are in this TOGETHER – nurturing our relationship in the best way we can, with so much love for each other and our family. Heather and I have been together for 7 and 1/2 years. We have been committed to each other through thick and thin.

Last February we chose to make a baby together. Our lovely Cedar Francis was born in August just 10 days before we were to commit our lives to each other in front of 150 friends and family. Our “wedding” was put on hold with Cedar’s arrival. When people ask us if they (doctors) know why Cedar came so early – we smile and say that Cedar seems to have chosen to come early in order to put a halt on things…she would rather us be legally married and perhaps she’d like to be our flower girl. How could she miss the biggest party of our lives? Doctors don’t have any idea why she came so early. To us, it is clear as day – she was sent to us early with an urgent message. Whether you are a Christian or Pagan or anything in between – YOU have been praying for us – for the gay couple with the baby in the NICU. YOU have been sending wishes of LOVE and LIFE. You have been praying for a FAMILY to be together.

The hard truth is – many of you, who have been praying for us and supporting us all along, are still planning on voting against our ticket to equal rights November 6th. Did you know that if Cedar needed a blood transfusion or other life saving procedure and I wasn’t present at the hospital with her – Heather (her other parent) could not legally sign to give permission for it to be done? If something happened to me right now, Cedar would not have a legal guardian on the books? We will have to spend $1000 or more in the coming months for Heather to adopt the child that she helped to create. Heather did not birth Cedar, but Cedar would not be here without her. Come tax time, I’ll be claiming Cedar as a dependent – as a single mom in the eyes of the federal government. In the meantime, Heather will be working as a teacher to support the family and home we have built together. Beyond missing out on the legal benefits – this just down right doesn’t feel good.

We will be having a wedding this year regardless of whether or not it is legal. Signing some papers in the eyes of the law doesn’t make Heather and I a stronger or more loving couple. We already have everything (and more) that any of our heterosexual counterparts have in terms of understanding commitment and love. This is about rights. This is about protecting our family. On Election Day, many of you will have the chance to vote for marriage equality. In Maine, Minnesota, Maryland and Washington State. I am asking you to please consider our family (and so many others) who are eagerly waiting to be recognized legally as a married couple. If you are in Washington State – please think of Cedar Francis and her family – VOTE for LOVE. Vote to APPROVE Referendum 74.

it’s almost like we just got married – we are looking around at all our gifts and gratitudes and compiling our list of thank yous. life is finally slowing down enough to really appreciate each and every one of the sweet e mails, gifts and surprise visits that have made this whole nicu experience that much easier. i’m not going to lie, it has been a rough ride and each and every day we are digging deep for that seemingly endless patience and gratitude for cedar’s health and continued growth.

many of you are still asking how you can help – what do we need? some days, we feel so hesitant to ask for things – it feels like we might wear out our friends, deplete our resources. how many times can you ask the same set of friends to let your dogs out? to bring you dinner? but the truth is, our resources are in fact depleting as we hang on for the unknown number of weeks we have still to go…the living split lives – me in everett, heather in bellingham…the back and forth driving to and from homes…unexpected veterinary bills…gas prices – and of course me being unable to work the past couple months has compounded the situation. it is taking a toll on our emotional health, our physical health and as you can imagine, our financial well-being.

with that said, if you have been wondering how you can help us out and happen to have the means…we are taking donations through paypal to help us with the extra costs of having a baby in a nicu away from home. you can send a donation to joyfulgrl13@yahoo.com

or if you are interested in specific things to pass along – gas cards are really helpful. starbucks cards have kept us sane. alternative therapies are good for our bodies. if you would like us to pass along our mailing address, please e mail us at: darsmithland@yahoo.com

thank you from the bottom of our hearts. we have felt so held through this process and cannot imagine doing this without our community. more than anything, your words of encouragement and constant love are getting us through. don’t stop. we love you.

Hello friends, family and fans of Cedar Francis…

I wanted to take a moment to extend our gratitude for all the support that you have given to our little family during these past few weeks. Whether it has been through prayers, an e mail, a care package or a hot meal – Heather, Hazel, Cedar and I have all felt your love and feel so blessed to have such a wonderful community supporting us on this journey. Some of you have asked how you can help and we are just now beginning to understand what we really need.

First and foremost, we need your continued words of encouragement whether it is a comment here or a text or an e mail. If you are thinking of us feel free to send an e mail to: darsmithland@yahoo.com. Secondly, for those of you who are local (in the Bellingham area) we will soon be putting together a meal schedule for Heather and Hazel. For those of you in the Seattle area, we will also be putting together a lunch/dinner meal drop-off/visiting schedule for me…cafeteria food just doesn’t seem to cut it these days. Stay tuned for more details.

Finally, some of you have asked whether or not you can support us financially in any way. We have not asked for this because in the grand scheme of things we are so blessed to have great insurance that covers all of Cedar’s care and we have also had generous support from family. However, as the weeks have progressed and I am unable to be in Bellingham to continue with private music lessons, we are beginning to realize the financial impact of all this eating out, travel to and from Bellingham and the unexpected costs of living in general. To maintain our sanity and health we have also found that we are using a significant amount of our resources on supplements and alternative forms of healthcare (not covered by insurance). All of this is to say that we are ready to ask for assistance if you have the desire and the means to provide this kind of support. We are working on setting up a donation page but in the meantime, if you have paypal you can send donations to: joyfulgrl13@yahoo.com or if you’d like to mail us something – please email darsmithland@yahoo.com for our address.

We can’t thank you all enough for love and support…our family feels so held by you all. Lots of gratitude and love back at you,

Amber, Heather, Hazel and Cedar